You Can't Marry Him
by GuitarGrrrl
Summary: Spoilers through all of season 3. After the scene where Rachel tells Quinn about Finn's proposal, Quinn visits Rachel to tell her how she really feels. Fluff and angst. Please read/review? Rated T for language. Finally COMPLETE, for real this time!
1. Chapter 1

Spoilers through season three "Michael."

I don't own Glee or any characters from Glee. All mistakes are my own.

This tidbit has been in my mind for awhile. Thought I'd finally get it out there. Feedback would be awesome.

Rachel approaches Quinn in the Ladies' room to ask her opinion about Finn's proposal.

A few lines from the scene that actually happened during the Michael episode, and then how I think it should have played out.

**"Hey. Look, I need your advice, alright? About- about an adult problem."**

**"Holy crap are you pregnant?"**

**"No! Look, I'm coming to you as a friend and oddly because I also think you're the only person who can give me just a straight forward and thoughtful answer about this."**

**"You're right, I'm sorry. Yes, I can keep a secret."**

**"Well, um... Finn asked me to marry him."**

**"What did you say?"**

**"I said I needed to think about it."**

**"Well...you can't."**

**"Why- plenty of people get married at our age, and I mean I know that he and I haven't lived together or anything, but I love him, and he's the one, I know it.**

**"What's this?" (Quinn shows Rachel her letter from Yale)**

**"My ticket outta here. I got into Yale, early admissions. Turns out my essay about overcoming adversity while maintaining a straight "A" average during a teenage pregnancy really turned on the admissions boards .**

**"Quinn that's amazing! That's so great. That's great."**

**"I'm sure you'll get your NYADA one soon."**

**"I know, I mean, New York mail is notoriously slow, so."**

**"My point being is that I've dated Finn, Puck, Sam. Even thought I loved some of them, but by the time the snow falls in New Haven next winter, I won't know why."**

**"So are you saying that Finn and I should break up?"**

**"I'm all for making the most of the next few months, but I'd hate the idea of dragging an anchor from my past into the bright lights of my future. Rachel, you have an amazing life ahead of you. As hard as it may be, if you want everything that you've ever dreamed of, you're gonna have to break up with him.**

**"That's an awful thing to say."**

**"Look, you wanted straight and thoughtful." **

Rachel was done listening. She turned away from Quinn and ran to her car. She couldn't believe her friend wasn't behind her on this.

* * *

Later... at The Berry Residence:

Quinn stood in the doorway to Rachel's bedroom.  
She sighed to herself when she was about to knock but hesitated when saw the diva was engrossed in a bridal magazine. She was laying on her stomach listening to her ipod with her knees bent and her ankles crossed one over the other. She looked like a normal 17 year old, but the reading material was off-putting and made Quinn want to shake some sense into the girl.

"Rachel... Rach? hellllooo..."

Quinn gave up talking and just let herself into the room. She planted her feet on the floor facing Rachel. She wasn't leaving until she made her point.  
When she realized Rachel wasn't going to notice her she sat on the edge of the bed. The movement caused Rachel to look over.  
The diva finally took out her earbuds, paused her music and sat up. "I- I'm sorry Quinn. I wasn't expecting any visitors."

"I noticed."

"What are you doing here?"

"Your dads let me in. I came to try to talk you out of this." Quinn said as she picked up and plopped the bridal magazine onto Rachel's lap.

"You made it pretty clear how you felt earlier."

"Seems like you've got your mind made up anyway. So why bother asking my opinion?"

"I thought you'd be on my side. I thought you'd be happy for me."

"Happy that you're giving up the change of a lifetime for Finn Hudson? Rachel, If you marry Finn you're sacrificing your dreams."

"I'm going to NYADA. I'm going to follow my dreams and Finn will be with me. Wait... Are- are you jealous, Quinn? That's it, isn't it? You- (Rachel poked the dumbfounded blonde in her shoulder) are jealous."

"It's not about jealousy."

"You just don't want me to be happy."

"That's not true either. Stop saying what you think I mean, and listen! You won't be happy with him. New York is different than Lima. Finn might seem like a great guy here, but in the real world, he's just a guy who couldn't get a football scholarship. He'll end up running Burt's Auto Body and where will you be? Barefoot and pregnant in a two bedroom rancher with a white picket fence?"

"Stop. Quinn, please."

"Stop what? Telling you like it is? Stop being honest like you asked? Rachel, don't let that boy ruin your dreams."

"He won't ruin my dreams, Quinn. Finn loves me."

"And if he did, he would let you go. We're about to graduate high school. Do you really want to be married?"

"Yes. Is that so hard to believe?" The diva looked down at the magazine in her lap. She sat silently hoping Quinn would just disappear.

The frustrated cheerleader sat staring at her friend with concern in her eyes.

"And you asked. You asked for my honest opinion."

Rachel stood and started pacing. She was really starting to get angry. "And you made it clear what you thought earlier today in the restroom at school. So why come here now?"

"You asked me how I felt about it. It took me a minute to collect my thoughts from the initial shock of you telling me, but Rache, why did you ask me if you weren't gonna listen?"

"Quinn... I listened. I heard. You think it's a bad idea. You think he'll hold me back. So if you're just going to yell at me some more, then get out of my room. I have a wedding to plan."

"Did you tell him your answer yet?"

Rachel shook her head no. Quinn stood in front of Rachel and took the magazine off the bed. She tossed it into the waste basket next to Rachel's desk. She took each of the diva's hands in her own and stared directly into her eyes.

"Why are you so against this?"

"Think about your future. Think about New York, Broadway."

"Finn IS my future. He's coming to New York with me."

"Do you hear yourself, Rachel?" The brunette turned away from Quinn pulling her hands free. She looked at herself in the mirror and then looked at Quinn through the mirror watching her watch Rachel look at herself.

"He'll go to New York, so he can what, watch you follow your dreams?... or hold you back." Quinn made eye contact (indirectly through the mirror as she stood behind Rachel).

"He won't hold me back. We'll be married. It'll be perfect."

"He might not intentionally, but he will hold you back." Quinn sighed and put her hand on Rachel's shoulder. "You'll worry about him finding a job, and then when he has to get two jobs to support you because auditions don't pay, you'll complain that he isn't spending enough time with you."

"You're just trying to tear me down Quinn! I knew we could never be friends. You're too much of a bitch!"

"I'm a bitch? You know what? Fine! I'm a bitch. It's not news. That's not what this is about. I care about you. Enough to keep telling you I think if you marry Finn it'll be a mistake."

Rachel shrugged away from Quinn and grabbed her backpack off the floor. She started walking away, too fed up to hear any more.  
"What is Finn gonna do in new york? Just think about it, seriously." Quinn pleaded.

"I know what I said before... about me going to Yale and forgetting about the past, but Rachel, please don't marry Finn. You can't marry him. You can't marry Finn Hudson." Rachel was startled out of her thoughts by the soft voice from the blonde girl staring at her.

"You said that already."

"I must feel strongly about it then."

Rachel crossed her arms, not breaking her gaze from Quinn's hazel eyes. she saw desperation and something else...

"Rache," Quinn closed her eyes. She let a tear fall down her cheek.

"Why all of a sudden, are you crying?"

Quinn wiped her tear. "It's not sudden. I've been holding it in all day. Ever since you told me Finn proposed. And probably ever longer than that."

"Why would that upset you like this?" Rachel reached to wipe another tear off Quinn's cheek.

"Because..." Quinn looked at the ground and chewed her bottom lip. "Because...he doesn't love you."

"How can you say that Quinn? After everything Finn and I have been through together..."

Quinn put her hands on Rachel's cheeks. She took a deep breath. She looked down into the Diva's eyes and softly kissed her lips. Rachel put her hands on top of Quinn's. The kiss lingered, soft lips dancing together. Each girl lost in the other. The blonde girl finally broke the kiss and rested her forehead on Rachel's with her eyes shut tight.  
"He doesnt love you Rachel. Not the way I do," She whispered.

Rachel thought she was hearing things. She blinked a few times to make sure she was awake.

"What?"

And by the time Rachel regained her composure, Quinn was gone.


	2. Chapter 2

I wasn't going to continue this story... but I got inspired while re-watching season 3

Takes place during "Goodbye"

I don't own Glee, just borrowing characters.

* * *

Quinn and Rachel have another bathroom scene. This time, Quinn hands Rachel a metro pass.

"Quinn... I don't know what to say."

"Say you'll visit me in New Haven. Just... friends, nothing more."

"You kissed me."

"And obviously, you weren't interested. So, marry Finn, and say we'll still be friends."

"You told me you loved me."

"I did. I do.. love you. But, I get it. You're straight, and I'm... well, I'm me. So, let's just forget it."

"You said you were planning on forgetting Lima and your past. I just figured I was part of that."

"We were enemies in the beginning...and then were were fr-enemies...and now, we're friends. After everything that's happened, I don't wanna lose that."

"It's still weird hearing you say that."

"What? that we're friends? Yeah you mentioned that already."

"I know." Rachel paused and turned. "Quinn, it's just... " Rachel took Quinn's hand in hers. "I always thought I hated you because you had the boy I wanted... And now he's the man I thought I wanted to marry."

"You thought? Rachel... what are you-"

"Wait. Let me finish."

Quinn nodded for her to continue,

"At first, I thought I wanted to be you. and then, as time went on, I thought I hated you. And then you got pregnant, and I felt bad for you. And I wanted so badly to be there for you. But I could never figure out why. And here we are, friends. I'm with Finn. We're happy, it's everything I thought I wanted. When you kissed me, I... my heart was racing and my mind went blank. I was frozen. So, shocked and just.. stuck, that I couldn't even really feel... Quinn what I'm trying to say is...

Quinn stopped Rachel by pulling her close and kissing her hard on the mouth.

Quinn pulled away when she noticed Rachel wasn't kissing back.

"I'm sorry." Quinn turned away from Rachel and used her thumb to wipe her bottom lip. "You were rambling and." Quinn looked down at the floor.

"Quinn, turn around." Rachel took the blonde girl's hand and held it ever so gently. Quinn turned to face her friend. Tears were in her eyes; one even managed to escape and leave a trail on her rosy cheek.

"Don't cry Quinn." Rachel used the pad of her thumb to wipe the tear away. She moved a piece of hair out of the blonde girl's eyes. Never taking her gaze away from the girl staring back at her, Rachel leaned forward and kissed Quinn Fabray.

Quinn didn't realize it but she was holding her breath. As she started kissing Rachel back she began to breathe again. Her breath mixing with Rachel's and becoming one. Their tongues played off of each other's and lips smashed together. Quinn put her hand on Rachel's cheek. That was when she noticed the other girl was crying too. She tried to pull away to see what was going on, figure out why Rachel was crying, but Rachel just kept kissing her.

"Rachel." Quinn said between kisses. "You have * to stop * kissing me." Her heart was pounding again.

"Quinn," She whispered, "Quinn, I'm sorry. " Rachel stopped kissing the girl and brought her fingers up to her lips. "You taste amazing."

"So do you." Quinn smirked. A little blush crept onto her cheeks. Quinn took Rachel's hand again. "Why do you have tears?"

"So many reasons." She laughed, but it wasn't a happy laugh. It was a laugh so she wouldn't cry any more. She wipe the tears from her face with the back of her hand. Looking in the mirror she frowned. "Now I have to fix my makeup again."

"You look amazing."

"Don't flatter me, I look like crap."

"O.K. you look like shit."

"Not helping."

"Are we gonna talk about this or are we gonna keep avoiding it?"

"I don't know what to say, Quinn." Rachel turned on the sink and started washing her face. "I think you should let me think. And when I'm ready to talk, I'll let you know."

"I'm sorry."

"Why are you sorry? You told me how you feel. It's better to get it off your chest than to let it fester."

"I just don't want to fuck up this friendship when we've only just begun."

"That's why you need to give me time."

"OK." Quinn bit her lip. "How much time?"

"I don't know, Quinn." Rachel finished with her make-up and turned to face to blonde who'd been staring at her the entire time.

"How do I look?"

"Amazing." Quinn was breathless, but she bore no emotion on her face or in her voice.

"Don't shut down on me just because I told you I need time. Fix your make-up, We're going to be late for graduation."

Rachel grabbed her bag, and left Quinn standing there alone. As she sped out of the restroom, he almost bumped into Santana who was on her way in, but stopped when she heard the pair talking.

"Way to go Fabray!" The Latina shouted as she entered the room expecting a high-five from her friend. "Leave me hanging as usual, blondie."

"Shut it, Lopez."

"Oh my god this is too sweet... is Quinn Fabray crying?"

Quinn turned around to face Santana. "Yes, ok. Are you happy now? I took your advice. I told her how I felt. And now I feel like shit."

"Well, you look like it too. Come on, Coach wants a picture with The Unholy Trinity before graduation."

"San." Quinn whined. "You're such a bitch."

"I know. You can tell me all about it after we graduate." The pair linked arms and started walking toward Coach Sylvester's office. "So, you finally made out with Berry... How was it?"

"Not telling." Quinn smirked.

"Felt good didn't it? Being honest with yourself for a minute?"

"Yeah it did." Quinn leaned her head on Santana's shoulder as they walked down the hall. Brittany was standing outside Sue's office to greet them with a hug.

"I love you guys." Brittany said tearfully. "I'm gonna miss you next year."

TBC... review.


	3. Chapter 3

Here's another chapter. sorry it took so long. I had to jump forward before I could write what you're about to read, which means the next update will happen much faster. As I'm writing this, I realize that this fic is mostly just conversations between characters. oh well. enjoy, and please please review (:

The only thing that belongs to me here are the spelling and grammar mistakes and the story in which I borrow characters from Glee.

* * *

Two weeks later...

Quinn and Santana are at Quinn's house. Quinn's mom is at an AA meeting.

"So, did you hear from the Hobbit yet? She said she'd let you know once she got her shit together."

"Don't call her that." Santana rolled her eyes.

"Whatever. Q, just call her. Stop worrying and just call her." Santana grabbed Quinn's iphone off her night stand and swiped her finger across the screen to unlock it. "What's your password? Oooh I bet I know." Santana begins typing away trying to guess Quinn's four digit code for her phone.

It only took her three tries and the phone was unlocked.  
"OK, got it. What do you have her saved under? Hobbit? Berry? or just Rachel?" Quinn lunged across her bed to try to grab the phone out of Santana's hands but the Latina had the upper-hand in her game of keep-away.

"Don't you dare! Santana Lopez, I swear to god if you call her I'll beat the crap out of you."

"Oh, I'd love to see you try blondie" Santana threw the phone onto Quinn's lap. "Besides, you'd have to explain that one to Brittany. Call. Rachel. and ask her if she's figured out her shit. But say it nicer than that."

"I'm not calling her. I've done enough damage as it is."

"She kissed you. That's gotta mean something."

"What if she married Finn like she said she was going to? What if they're married and I missed my chance?"

"Also another reason to call her." Santana saw a sadness wash over her friend's face. "Q- I think we would have heard about it. You know no one in Lima can resist wedding gossip."

"When's B coming back?"

"Don't change the subject Q. I don't know when she'll be back. She said something about taking Lord Tubbington to rehab."

"Rehab for what?"

"I don't know. Ask Britts next time you see her. Anyway, I gotsta go. Mom's expecting me for dinner. Dad's actually home tonight."

"Sounds like a blast." Quinn rolled her eyes.

"Tell me about it." Santana leaned in to hug her friend.

"Brittany really has made you soft."

"Tell anyone and I'ma ends you. Call her, Q. See ya later."

"Bye." Quinn shut her bedroom door after Santana left and belly flopped onto her bed. The blankets billowed around her and then settled. She glanced at her phone. "How the hell did she figure out my password? Am I THAT predictable?" Quinn thought to herself. She made a mental note to ask Santana how she figured out her passcode. As she sat there pondering, her phone buzzed signaling a new text message. And then another.

**From: Satan**  
**Stop thinking. Just call her.**

**From: Satan**  
**Don't b a wimp.**

Quinn just rolled her eyes and ignored the texts. She turned off her phone and picked up her admissions packet for Yale. She was suppose to pick a major, but there were so many choices. At least she had something to distract her from Rachel. She pulled out one of her notebooks from school that had a few pages still left at the end. She tore a few blank sheets of paper from the back of the notebook and began to write... "Dear Rachel..." She began...

* * *

At Rachel's house three days later.

"Rachel!" Hiram called up the stairs toward his daughter's bedroom.

The teenager appeared in her doorway happily and look down to greet her father. "Yes, papa?"

"You have mail."

"Ooooh is it my registration forms for NYADA?" Rachel sped down the stairs with a bounce in her step.

"Someone's awfully excited."

"Daddy! Please, just give me my mail, the suspense is killing me."

"So dramatic." Hiram joked as he handed the envelope to his daughter.

"It's not even from New York." Rachel sounded dejected.

"What? That can't be. Let me see." Hiram put his hand on her shoulder and tried to peer over her head to see where it was from if not New York.

Rachel just turned into her dad and hugged him lightly.  
"Thanks daddy!" She kissed her father on the cheek and sped back into her room, slamming the door behind her. "Sorry!" She called out in apology for slamming the door.

"Don't let it happen again!" LeRoy yelled back playfully, looking up from his newspaper.

"You're gonna miss that when I'm gone!" Rachel smirked.

Hiram just sighed and sat down next to his husband.  
"It's going to be so quiet without her."

"What ever shall we do?!" LeRoy patted his husband's thigh. Hiram adjusted his glasses, took the business section off the coffee table and began perusing the articles.

* * *

Up in Rachel's room...

Deep brown eyes stared curiously at an envelope she couldn't make sense of. The blue postmark said Lima, Ohio. The return address was just that, an address with no name above it. She carefully ripped open the envelope and she immediately thought of Quinn. She unfolded the pages and began to read.

**_"Dear Rachel, _**

**_I know you said you needed time, but I have to get this off my chest. I can't stop thinking about that kiss. You know, the one where YOU kissed ME. I don't know why you kissed me, but you did. And it replays in my mind every minute over and over. I need to know what that meant for you, Rachel, because it's been a while and you've pretty much left me to my thoughts which are littered with a thousand questions and "what-ifs." For example, you kissed me. Does that mean you share my feelings? Or were you just testing a theory? And what if you hate me now that you know how I feel about you? And what if you never speak to me again? I'll always wonder in the back of my mind if things had been different.. if we could have had something...And then I remember that you kissed me so... I'm asking why."_**

Rachel stopped reading, lowered the letter into her lap and put her fingertips up to her bottom lip.

The memory of their kisses wafted into her mind like a scent she never wanted to forget. The soft kiss Quinn surprised her with in her bedroom, the kisses they shared in the first floor ladies' room at McKinley...She never felt like that before. When Quinn kissed her it was...different. She actually felt wanted, there was a sense of urgency, a sense that she was needed. She never felt that with Finn. That's why she initiated that kiss with Quinn. That's why she couldn't stop herself. She just had to see if that feeling was real. She picked up the letter with her right hand. The fingers of her left hand were still pressed to her lips.

_**"And then I remember that you kissed me so... I'm asking why. I don't want to pressure you into talking about this but if you never answer back, I can't say I won't always wonder. I understand that my attraction to you may have come as somewhat of a shock considering our history, and I also realize that I've had more time to process this information than you have. I'll always think of you with fondness, Rachel, and if you decide that we can no longer be friends, I can promise that there won't be any hard feelings. A part of me will always remember you. **_

_**~Quinn"**_


	4. Chapter 4

I don't know how I feel about this chapter. I'm not a fan of Finn so I don't really know how to write him. Enjoy...

* * *

**Rachel's bedroom:**

_**"At the risk of making this worse...I love you. And I think I always have. **_  
_**~Quinn"**_

Rachel sat on the edge of her bed staring at a framed picture of her and Finn. It was taken in Chicago, right after they won nationals. To look at them smiling for the camera, a stranger would think they are a happy couple. But looking at the picture again, this time scrutinizing every detail, Rachel noticed something she never saw before. She grabbed her "Finchel" photo album off her shelf and began to slowly turn the pages, examining each picture. The thing she noticed was that her smile was fake. It was her show smile, the one she gave at the end of a performance while inside she's thinking "I know I'm fabulous, but goddamn these heels are killing me." Rachel turned the pages faster. Did she give her fake smile in every picture with Finn? And if so, did that mean she really wasn't happy with him? And would she be even thinking these thoughts if Quinn hadn't kissed her and professed her love?

She needed more proof.  
Rachel climbed frantically off her bed and scrambled over to her closet. On the floor next to her shoe rack was a brown shoe box labeled "New Directions." She slid out and knelt in the doorway of her closet, frantically rummaging through the box. Her heart was beating fast. After only about a minute and a half she found what she was looking for. It was her 2010-2011 New Directions scrap book. She found group shots from all their performances that year. She was giving the same "show smile" in almost every one. Rachel put down the photo album and walked across the room to her mirror. She stared into her own eyes. She smiled that fake smile and then she relaxed her face so it was emotionless. Then she closed her eyes and thought of Finn. His kisses, his big bear hugs, the way he made her feel, the day he proposed. She smiled. When she opened her eyes she held the smile. It was her fake show smile. She took another deep breath and straightened her face again. This time when she closed her eyes she thought about Quinn and the way her lips felt pressed against her own. She felt her cheeks fill and become crimson. She thought about hugging the blonde and the way she could smell Quinn's sweet perfume on her sweater for hours after just a simple hug. She smiled, and opened her eyes. This time she saw a different person. And for the first time, she acknowledged her feelings for Quinn. There was something. Something she couldn't remember feeling with Finn or any other boy for that matter. There was something she couldn't give a name to. A feeling she couldn't describe. And the more she thought about it, the more she wanted to feel it instead of remember it. She turned back to her bed and picked up the letter again. She read through it for the third time and let herself feel the words instead of just reading them. A knock at her bedroom door made her body jump and then tense. She quickly folded the letter in thirds and put it and the envelope it came in under her pillow.

She cleared her throat, "Come in." She sat up on her bed and started straightening out her skirt. She needed her hands to be doing something.

The door opened to reveal a concerned looking Finn. He noticed the photo albums and a few loose pictures strewn about her bed.

"Feeling nostalgic?" Rachel nodded. Finn sat down next to his girlfriend and picked up one of the photos. It was from the first time they won sectionals. He smiled sadly and put the picture back down on the bedspread. He sat with his hands on his thighs; he looked down at the floor and then up at his girlfriend.

"You still haven't answered me."

"I- I know."

"So... I can't help but think that you're gonna say no."

"Finn..." Rachel took his hands in hers and looked into his eyes. "I love you."

"So you'll marry me then?"

She shook her head side to side. "Let me finish." She sighed "I love you. I spent so long fighting for you. You were my dream guy. In my mind you were the man I saw myself with ten years from now performing as my opposite on Broadway. Finn, I'm going to New York in the fall and you're..."

"I'm joining the army."

"What? Are you serious?" Finn nodded.

"I'm joining the army. I have to be the man my father couldn't be. I have to give my mom a reason to be proud."

"She is proud of you and you don't have to join the army to do that Finn. When were you gonna tell me this?" Rachel started getting mad.

"I'm telling you now."

"And- and you still expect me to marry you? When I'll be in New York and you'll be..."

"Georgia."

"In Georgia. Did you just expect me to follow you to Georgia Finn?"

"Like you expected me to follow you to New York." Finn stood while Rachel stayed seated.

"You said you wanted to go to New York. I thought that was your dream."

"I said it to be with you. I wanted to be with you, Rach. I still want that. But I have to do this. I have to redeem my father's name."

"You wanted to be with me? You said your dream was New York just get in my pants?"

"No, Rachel, I didn't mean it like that. I mean, I didn't know what I wanted and now I've figured it out. But we can still be together, make it work. Couples do long distance all the time."

"Because they don't have a choice. You made a choice, Finn. You chose the army over New York. You chose the army over me."

"You said you love me." Finn sat back down. Rachel looked up into his eyes and he gazed back at her longingly.

"I do love you. But love means we support each other, not expect one person to give up their dreams just to be with someone."

"You expected me to give up my dreams to go to New York with you so you could follow yours." he whispered.

"I thought you wanted to go to New York Finn. You told me you wanted to be an actor." Rachel was getting frustrated, and now she was repeating herself. Rachel ran her fingers through her hair. "I guess this is goodbye, Finn."

"Wait, what?"

"Why should we stay together if you're going to boot camp and I'm going to New York?"

"We could make it work, have a long engagement."

"And wait until our paths cross again to resume our relationship? It would never work. And until a few days ago, I didn't realize it either. Finn... It's time for us to say goodbye."

"What happened a few days ago?" Rachel didn't answer. She just sat there looking down at her hands, fiddling her thumbs. "You knew you didn't want to marry me before I came over here today and you didn't say anything?"

"I didn't want to hurt you, Finn." A tear fell down her cheek. "I didn't want it to hurt."

"What happened to change your mind? We were so happy Rache."

"I... I wasn't. I'm not." Rachel let her tears fall. Her face was hot and her chest was getting tight. She wanted to curl into a ball and disappear. Finn saw how tired she looked. He cupped her cheek and used his thumb to wipe her tears, but it was pointless. She was sobbing and it was breaking his heart.

"We were doomed from the start, weren't we?"

"I suppose we were, Finn." He wrapped his arms around her and let her cry. He allowed himself to shed a few tears. They sat for awhile quietly. The sound of Rachel's sobs was all that was left between them.

It was Rachel's father Hiram who broke the silence with a soft knock to the door which was still half open.  
"Rachel, will Finn be joining us for dinner?"

The pair broke apart. Hiram could tell his little girl had been crying, not to mention he heard them yelling earlier.

Rachel gently pulled out of the embrace she shared with her now ex-boyfriend. "No papa, he won't." She muttered.

"I guess that's my cue. Mr. Berry, it's good to see you."

"Take care Finn."

"Finn, wait." Rachel called just as he stepped out into the hallway. He stopped in his tracks.

"Promise me something?" He turned to look back at the girl he was about to leave behind. "Promise you'll write, or call... just... keep in touch?"

"I promise." Finn whispered just loud enough, turned and continue his walk of sadness out of the Berry household and to his car with tears streaming down his face.

Hiram opened his arms and Rachel snuggled into her father's chest and let her tears fall freely. "Come on, sweetheart. Let's go find your dad and convince him to watch a Barbara film with us.

"Funny Girl?" Rachel sniffed and looked up at her Jewish dad.

"Sure." He placed a fatherly kiss on her head and led her down the stairs.

* * *

Next chapter is Faberry. Reviews= faster updates


	5. Chapter 5

I'm not sorry about how long this chapter took me to post. I've spent every evening working on it and I am finally satisfied. Forgive my grammar and spelling mistakes. I read it like seventy times and I keep finding things, but nobody's perfect. I'm pretty sure you'll agree it was worth the wait. Thank you all for the reviews, follows, and favorites! I feel special.

I don't own Glee or any of it's characters (or any other pop culture references), that privilege belongs to RIB.

* * *

The next day...

Rachel rang the Fabray's doorbell and waited; her hands were nervously fiddling with the clasp on her purse. She heard fast footsteps move from upstairs to downstairs. "Just a minute." She heard Quinn yell from inside, and smirked at the Blonde's frantic tone. When the door opened, the blonde was surprised to see the Diva standing there.

"Rachel? What are _you_ doing here?"

"I'm sorry to stop by unannounced... were you expecting someone else?"

"Yeah actually, Brittany is coming over to study. She's taking a few classes over the summer so she's not too overwhelmed to pass and graduate next year."

"Oh, that's nice of you. Um, I can leave, you know, if it's not a good time."

"No, no it's OK, you can help me teach Britt if you want."

"Actually, I was hoping we could talk...but you're busy, so I should just come back another ti-"

"Wait wait wait. Hold that thought. And come inside. I- I'll be right back." Quinn raced up the stairs to her room. She grabbed her phone off her nightstand and hurried back down the stairs to where she left Rachel who was still standing in the doorway.

"Close the door, sit down. This'll just take a minute." Quinn picked up her phone and type in the password. "Siri, call Satan."

Her phone beeped. "Calling Santana Lopez." Rachel just sat on the couch admiring the Fabray's living room. She watched the blonde as she waited for her friend to answer the phone.

"S. You gotta tell B she can't come over... something suddenly came up."

"Q- first off, Hi. And number two, you know I can't cancel on Brittany for you. Tell her yourself that you're bailing and then give a better explanation than "something suddenly came up."

"Santana- you don't understand. I-"

"No, YOU don't understand. You can't cancel on Britt." In Santana's room we see Brittany grab the Latina's phone.

"Quinn, why are you trying to get out of our study date? You promised you'd help me. I'm never going to pass my test if you don't study with me."

Quinn could practically hear the pout in her voice. "Ok, well can we do it an hour later than planned? There's something I really need to do right now."

Rachel stood up with her purse over her shoulder. "Quinn, it's fine, just- call me when you are done tutoring Brittany. It 's my fault; I'm the one who showed up unannounced."

"No, Rachel, sit. Please?"

"Is that Rachie? Quinn, why didn't you just say that Rachel was there? I totally understand, You can help me study tomorrow after you give me all the details of your sweet lady kisses. Tell her I said hi."

"I'll say hi, but detail sharing will be limited."

"Aww Q, I tell you everything Santana and I do, like just yesterday she did this thing with her tongue- " Britt was interrupted before she could say enough to give Quinn any mental pictures.

"OK Britt-Britt, I have to go now. I'll call you tomorrow."

"K bye." Quinn heard Brittany squeal at her excitement and then she heard the beep signaling the end of the call. She knew she was in for an earful from Santana, but hopefully what Rachel had to say would be worth it. "That was crazy."

"You didn't have to cancel on Brittany."

"Rachel." Quinn raised her eyebrow causing Rachel to smile shyly.

"So, is it safe for us to talk here in your living room, or?"

"Yeah, we should probably go up to my room. I don't wanna take a chance that my Mom will come home and interrupt our conversation."

Rachel stood up and took Quinn's hand, "Lead the way."

* * *

Rachel sat on the chair at Quinn's desk. Quinn sat on her bed with her legs folded indian style.

"So, Brittany knows...?" The blonde girl nodded yes.

"Which I assume means Santana knows."

"Uh-huh." Quinn bit her bottom lip.

"I see."

"Look, they won't tell anyone. I mean- you saw what happened when Santana got outed. They won't tell anyone. I already made them promise. And I'm not exactly jumping out of the closet myself."

"Ok."

"I didn't tell them on purpose." Rachel looked at Quinn with her eyebrow raised. "You know how intuitive Brittany is, and Santana can be that way too. It's almost creepy how well Santana knows me, but she's my best friend."

"You don't have to explain, Quinn." Rachel reached for the blonde girl's hand.

"I read your letter." Rachel swallowed. She took a deep breath. Quinn started to panic. She didn't send the letter. Then she remembered that she left Santana and Brittany alone in her room two days ago while she went to grab snacks for their study session. She was planning on killing Santana as soon as she and Rachel were done talking. Which reminded her that Rachel was sitting at her desk several feet away and waiting for her to respond. She cleared her throat and tried not to sound surprised that the letter she didn't send had been read.

"Oh... um... You did?"

"Several times actually."

"And what did you think?"

Rachel took a moment to think of how she wanted to explain what she was thinking. "How long have you felt like you loved me?"

"I- I'm not sure. I mean, when I think about it, I was so jealous that you were with Finn that I thought it was him that I wanted, but when you told me he proposed, I knew. I knew I was jealous that he was the one who had your heart and not me." Quinn let a tear fall down her cheek. She brushed it away and combed her fingers through her hair. "Rachel, I don't want to be the reason you have doubts about your relationship. I was selfish. Kissing you, telling you how I felt, it was all selfish, but when you kissed me I had a glimmer of hope that maybe you wanted me too. But I'm sure you'll be quite happy with Finn."

"I broke up with him." Quinn gasped.

"You- what? Rachel- "

"Not because of your letter. It was more because of what you said. About how Finn would just hold me back. And then I got to thinking about how if I'm going to make it in New York I can't be in a relationship with a boy who has no direction."

"G-good for you." Quinn kept her eyes trained on her own hands and played with a loose thread on her bedspread.

Rachel got up from the chair and stood in front of the bed right next to where Quinn was sitting. Quinn uncrossed her legs letting her feet dangle over the side. Rachel was now standing against the bed between Quinn's knees. Instinctively she put her hands on the blonde girl's knees and started nervously tracing tiny circles over them. When Quinn, startled by the touch, shivered in her skin, Rachel pulled away. She brushed a strand of hair behind her ear and started pacing across Quinn's bedroom.  
"And then I started thinking about Finn and how we fought over him. You wanted him. You stole him from me two years ago. We basically have been fighting over him through all of high school... and now that I've sat and thought about it...We fought over him because we didn't know how to fight for each other. And now I'm afraid it's too late."

"Are you saying you have feelings for me?"

"I feel something. I haven't had time to analyze it, Quinn, but didn't you hear what I said? It's too late for us. We're going in different directions. You're going to Yale! And I am so, so proud of you for that. And you can't expect for us to be romantically involved while you're studying... whatever it is you've picked for a major and I'm getting ready for Broadway."

Quinn smiled. That Rachel called her attending NYADA "getting ready for Broadway" made her entire insides bubble with amusement.

"I mean, when you think about yourself at college, do you really imagine stopping to call your long distance girlfriend?"  
Rachel was pacing across Quinn's bedroom floor and still talking but the blonde girl stopped listening. She sat on the edge of her bed watching the love of her life ramble about relationships and Quinn just watched her float back and forth in front of her.

"Why are you staring at me?" Rachel asked with her hands on her hips. She stopped pacing and stared back at the blonde. "Quinn.. have you been listening?"

"I stopped listening when you said it was too late for us."

"Why?"

"Because you started to ramble and it was too adorable for me to form a coherent thought let alone listen."

"Quinn... I'm being serious here." Rachel continued to pace back and forth. Quinn reached out and grabbed her hand stopping the diva mid-step which caused her to stumble. She ended up landing half on top of Quinn which stopped the diva from talking completely. Their eyes met and they sat staring for just a little too long to be considered casual. Quinn closed her eyes and tried to catch her breath.

"Rachel... If you don't want me to kiss you again, I suggest you move."

Quinn leaned the slightest bit forward. She could feel Rachel's breath on her lips. She brushed her tongue over her bottom lip and leaned the last few inches forward until she was met with- air... Rachel had pull away. The diva was standing in front of Quinn now, straightening out her skirt.

"I'm not done talking yet." Rachel sat down on the bed next to Quinn. This time Quinn focused and listened. "Everything between us has always been..." Rachel reached forward and took Quinn's hand. "Intense. Yes, intense is the correct word. Feel the energy we have with just a simple touch?" Rachel used her other hand to trace over Quinn's fingers. Quinn's eyes never left Rachel's face even though Rachel was looking down at their fingers intertwined. "We've never held hands, Quinn. Not like this. It's... intense. Do you feel it?"

Quinn looked up into Rachel's eyes confirming that she did feel what Rachel felt in their hands clasped tightly together. "When you kissed me in my room the first time, I was so frozen from the shock of all the energy we shared with that one simple, yet sensual kiss, that when I opened my eyes and remembered to breathe, you were gone."

"Sorry I-"

"You didn't give me a chance to react at all... and that's why I kissed you the next time we saw each other. I needed it to be me kissing you."

"Then why do you think it's too late for us?"

"I could love you Quinn Fabray. And that scares me to the very center of my soul. If we do this- if we kiss again, I don't know if I'll be able to stop... So if I were to kiss you right now... my heart would break again. Because you're going to New Haven and I'm going to New York. While we'll be able to keep in touch, a long distance relationship would be so hard to maintain that I don't think we'd even last through the first semester."

"So we don't even get a chance to try? To explore these feelings? You wanted to kiss me back but that's all? You kissed me and now we just go off to college never knowing- " Quinn stopped mid sentence when she realized Rachel had began to pace again.  
"Rachel. will you please, sit the fuck down. You're driving me crazy with all the walking. Rachel stopped pacing, but stayed standing.  
"I know you just broke up with Finn. I know we'll be in different schools in the fall. But can't we be teenagers for just a little longer? Can't we just enjoy the summer...together? Can't we kiss and cuddle and go feed the ducks with Brittany and Santana and enjoy our adolescence?"

"And then what, Quinn? We go to our respective colleges and never see each other? Just yesterday I told Finn we couldn't be together because of distance. And you told me Quinn... that you didn't want to drag and anchor from your past into the bright lights of your future. You said that. You can't say things like that and then kiss me and expect me to -"

"Rachel!"

"What?!"

"Come here."

Rachel stood in front of Quinn who was sitting on the edge of her bed with her feet dangling over the side.  
She stared into the blonde girl's eyes where tears began to pool. Quinn was holding her breath. Rachel closed her eyes and put one hand on Quinn's knee. Quinn took Rachel's hand, squeezed it tightly, and leaned forward to kiss her. The kiss was slow and soft. Their lips pressed together in a sensual dance that left both of them breathless. Rachel let the tears fall down her face. Quinn noticed her girl was crying and broke the kiss. She pressed their foreheads together. "Are you gonna cry every time I kiss you?"

"Kiss me again," The diva whispered. So, she did. Quinn kissed Rachel's forehead, then her nose, then her chin and then finally her lips. Rachel wrapped her arms around Quinn's neck and pulled their bodies closer together and deepened the kiss. She could feel Quinn's breasts pressed against her own and the thought of what it would feel like to do this sans shirts went through the Diva's mind and sent chills down her spine. Quinn felt the Diva shiver and wrapped her arms around Rachel's waist. Quinn was the one to break their kiss. She put her hand on Rachel's cheek and wiped away a stray tear. Looking into her eyes Quinn spoke. "I don't care what I said about moving on and forgetting Lima. When we're like this, kissing, holding each other, I forget everything I was thinking. I forget worries and doubts, I forget fear, I forget the 'what-ifs' and all that's left is you and me. I've never felt like this before. Can't we just enjoy the summer together?"

"I wish we could, but- "

Quinn broke their embrace but took Rachel's hand again. "We're eighteen! This is the time to find out who we are! Rachel, be honest, do you have feelings for me?"

Rachel didn't answer.

"Because if you don't, I need you to leave. I need you to tell me that you don't love me, and then I need you to disappear." Quinn was shaking with anger, fear and excitement all at the same time. Her heart felt like it was going to burst through her ribcage it was beating so fast and so loud that it became the only sound she could hear. Neither of them spoke for several minutes.

It was Quinn who broke the silence. "I meant what I wrote. I mean, I'll understand if you don't share my feelings, but that doesn't mean I won't need time to heal."

Quinn pulled her hand away from the Diva who just stood there staring at the floor silently.

"You know for a girl who always has so much to say, you're being awfully quiet." Rachel adjusted her gaze so that she was now looking out the window.  
"Maybe you should go. Clearly you're uncomfortable and I'm just making it worse." Quinn didn't know what to do for the girl. She felt bad, but she wanted answers. She sat next to her friend and rubbed soothing circles over her back. "I never meant to turn your world upside down. I was selfish. All I thought about was getting it off my chest. And I never meant to send you that letter."

"What?" Rachel sniffed. "What do you mean?"

"I wasn't going to send the letter. I thought about it, but I put it in the top drawer of my nightstand. I didn't mail the letter."

"Then how?"

"Santana. Trust me, I'm going to kill her next time I see her. She kept pushing me to call you and she told me that writing the letter was a cop-out unless I had the balls to send it."

"Why would Santana push you to talk to me? Santana hates me."

"She doesn't hate you. She just- look this isn't about Santana. When you showed up at my door, I thought you came because you had sorted your thoughts. I thought you knew how you felt and came to tell me. I prepared myself mentally for rejection. but then when I realized that you only came here because of a letter I didn't even mean to send... Rache, you don't think this scares me too?!"  
Quinn sat staring at Rachel waiting for the Diva to respond.

Rachel cleared her throat and finally spoke, still looking out the window. "I've thought about leaving Lima for so long, but I never thought about what I'd be leaving behind. High school was terrible for me. I keep thinking that I'll be OK once I get to New York. That I'll fit in, belong somewhere." Rachel turned around to face Quinn who was now standing and facing Rachel. "I never thought we'd be friends. I never thought I'd be standing in Quinn Fabray's bedroom arguing about why I should give her a chance to love me. Quinn, this is insane. We don't fit in each other's lives. We never did."

"High school wasn't exactly a picnic for me either, Rachel, but that's not the point."

"No. It isn't. The point is that the whole plan I had for myself, my future, is changing in a matter of days and I feel lost. I always spend so much time planning and then following through with those plans. I didn't plan for this. I didn't plan to have romantic feelings for anyone other than Finn."

"You don't plan feelings, they just happen." Quinn stood closer to the Diva and took her hands again.

"My thoughts are all over the place Quinn. I broke up with a guy I was about to marry and now here I am in your bedroom talking about kissing you and you wrote me a love letter... A love letter... Finn never wrote me a letter."

"I'm much more romantic than Finn could even dream of being."

Quinn was still holding Rachel's hand. Looking up into Rachel's eyes, Quinn took the diva's hand with both of her own hands and brought it up to her lips. She placed a slow, soft kiss right on the back of it. She caressed the Jewish girl's olive skin with her fingertips and gently turned her hand over. Still holding Rachel's hand with her own, she traced the lines over with her free hand. Her fingers danced on Rachel's skin. She leaned forward and kissed the very center of the palm of her hand. Then, turning Rachel's hand over again she kissed each one of Rachel's knuckles as she finally spoke.

"Rachel. *a kiss to her index finger* If you would let me. *a kiss to her middle finger* I would do this *a kiss to her ring finger* to your whole entire body *a kiss to her pinky* for the rest of my life." Quinn clenched Rachel's hand tightly and brought it up to her heart. She looked into Rachel's teary eyes.

"Rachel, we can't know who we're going to love or for how long. Is the only reason you're hesitating about a possible relationship with me is that we'll be in different cities in a few months?"

"You made me realize that I didn't know what love was. I, I thought I loved him, and maybe I did, in a way. But this- with you- it terrifies me."

The diva had tears falling down her cheeks. Sobs started to take her body over and she felt like she wanted to run. Instead she sat on the bed. Quinn instinctively wrapped her arms around the girl. She placed a tender kiss on her forehead and brushed the hair out of her face. Rachel couldn't stop the tears from falling, so Quinn just held her and played with her hair. Rocking them gently back and forth Quinn started to hum a tune that Rachel immediately recognized.

"Sing it to me?" Rachel asked quietly. Quinn pulled out of the embrace and sat up so she could breathe. She was surprised when Rachel curled herself up into an almost fetal position and used Quinn's lap as a pillow.

"You by the light  
Is the greatest find  
In a world  
Full of wrong  
You're the thing that's right  
Finally made it  
Through the lonely  
To the other side

You said it again  
My hearts in motion  
Every word feels  
Like a shooting star  
I'm at the edge of my emotions  
Watching the shadows  
Burning in the dark  
And I I'm in love  
And I I'm terrified  
For the first time  
And the last time  
In my only life  
Life

This could be good  
Its already better than that  
And nothings worse  
Than knowing you're holding back  
I could be all that you need  
If you let me try

You said it again  
My hearts in motion  
Every word feels  
Like a shooting star  
I'm at the edge of my emotions  
Watching the shadows  
Burning in the dark  
And I I'm in love  
And I I'm terrified  
For the first time  
And the last time  
In my only life

When Quinn finished singing, Rachel looked up her.

"You really love me?" Quinn nodded with tears in her eyes.

"I love you too." Rachel whispered.

The End.

* * *

If you want to hear the song, I posted the video on my tumblr or you can look it up on you tube.

It's called "Terrified" written by Kara DioGuardi. I prefer this song when Didi Benami sings it.

Also, (shameless self promotion) check out my you tube page. You tube dot com slash womanbyblood

Thanks for reading!


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